Top 5 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time
It's around this time of year that I turn my radio dial to whichever station is playing non-stop Christmas songs. Yes, it's kinda corny, but it helps put me in the spirit of the holiday season.
Thankfully, most of the songs are timeless classics and I'm able to stay upbeat despite the madness that is Christmas. Unfortunately, even the birth of Christ is unable to save us from these five songs (in my personal hate order, but they are certainly interchangeable):
#5. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by Gayla Peevy
Of the five songs listed, this is the only one that should be registered as a sex offender. My ears are literally molested every time I hear the munchkin-with-his-balls-in-a-vice voice of Gayla Peevy screech out this tune. Hit play in the video below and see how long you can last. I was able to go 12 seconds before downing an entire bottle of Maximum Strength Tylenol and using the cotton ball stopper to permanently seal off my ears.
#4. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen
"The Boss" sounds like a complete tool with this seasonal treat. I'm not sure if its his playful banter with the E Street Band (which happens to eat up 45 seconds of the song) or the fact that his "cool" meter reading drops to a level that's even below Danny Federici, but in either case, its a song that deserves to be on this list.
#3. "Christmas Through Your Eyes" by Gloria Estefan
If you're lucky, this song will be played in both English AND Spanish when you hear it. What bugs me the most about this one is that it DOESN'T EVEN SOUND like a Christmas song. I'm guessing that when she was nearly killed in a car accident and saw the infamous "white light", God decided that even he didn't want to hear this crap and sent her back to Earth.
#2. "Grandma Got Run Over By Reindeer" by Elmo and Patsy Shropshire
I'm not sure I even need to explain this one. For the sake of argument, can anyone explain the chorus of this duet (yup...it took two to tango with this masterpiece):
"Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house on Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa, we believe."
You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa, we believe."
Seriously, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!
#1. "Last Christmas" by Wham!
The only thing worse than this song is the video for the song. A pensive George Michael ponders what life would be like if he stole the other guy from Wham!'s girlfriend during their outing to a cabin at the top of a mountain. I mean, c'mon George. You could've totally nailed the blonde she-male with the crew cut that's setting the table or the girl with the bright yellow yarmulka. Just pick someone and stop singing this whine-fest.
